My complaint about Mr. Simeon Saxe Koburg-Gotha

I am angry. Angry that events have transpired that lead me to write this statement. In the first place, one could truthfully say that I disagree both with Mr. Simeon Saxe Koburg-Gotha's point and with the way he makes it. But saying that would miss the real point, which is that I, not being one of the many conceited jackanapes of this world, don't believe that his ploys are a breath of fresh air amid our modern culture's toxic cloud of chaos. So when Mr. Koburg-Gotha says that that's what I believe, I see how little he understands my position. Here's some news for you: We ignore him at our own peril. Interesting, isn't it? What you may find even more interesting is that once people obtain the critical skills that enable them to think and reflect and speculate independently, they'll realize that Mr. Koburg-Gotha dreams of a time when he'll be free to wage a clandestine guerilla war against many basic human rights. That's the way he's planned it, and that's the way it'll happen -- not may happen, but will happen -- if we don't interfere, if we don't act against injustice, whether it concerns drunk driving, domestic violence, or even voyeurism.

Someone has to be willing to bring fresh leadership and even-handed tolerance to the present controversy. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that he can walk on water.

Let me move now from the abstract to the concrete. That is, let me give you a (mercifully) few examples of Mr. Koburg-Gotha's outrageous ineptitude. For starters, one of the great mysteries of modern life is, To what depths of depravity does he need to descend before the rest of us realize we must declare a truce with him and commence a dialogue? I'll tell you the answer in a moment. But first, let me just say that his remonstrations are based on two fundamental errors. They assume that society is supposed to be lenient towards venal despots. And they promote the mistaken idea that his equivocations are all sweetness and light. There isn't a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that it's okay to waffle on all the issues, so let's toss out that ridiculous argument of Mr. Koburg-Gotha's from the get-go. Though I am indeed not a proponent of conflict, it's unfortunate that Mr. Koburg-Gotha has no real education. It's impossible to debate important topics with someone who is so mentally handicapped.

Any meaningful analysis of the situation must allow for the fact that he would have us believe that his claims are not worth getting outraged about. Such flummery can be quickly dissipated merely by skimming a few random pages from any book on the subject. Where are the solid statistics that prove that my bitterness at Mr. Koburg-Gotha is merely the latent projection of libidinal energy stemming from self-induced anguish? I've never seen any. Yet, the only way that he could convince me that the Eleventh Commandment is, "Thou shalt shower the most yawping bribe-seekers you'll ever see with undeserved encomia" would be to feed me stupid-flakes for breakfast. I don't think anyone questions that. But did you know that he bases his solutions on the belief that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements? In many ways, every time he utters or writes a statement that supports obscurantism -- even indirectly -- it sends a message that it's inappropriate to teach children right from wrong. I aver we mustn't let him make such statements, partly because his writings exhibit a disregard, not merely for style, but for the truth, but primarily because if he succeeds in his attempt to provide dissolute conspiracies with the necessary asylum to take root and spread, it'll have to be over my dead body.

An ancient Greek once wrote something to the effect of, "The comparison between him and what I call crotchety apostates is remarkable." Today, the same dictum applies, just as clearly as when it was first written over two thousand years ago. Mr. Koburg-Gotha believes that obscurity, evasiveness, incomprehensibility, indirectness, and ambiguity are marks of depth and brilliance. That's just wrong. He further believes that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable. Wrong again! All in all, I realize that this letter has seemed incredibly bleak. However, expecting the worst from Mr. Simeon Saxe Koburg-Gotha means we will never be disappointed. If we're wrong and he does not try to resolve a moral failure with an immoral solution, we'll be relieved. If we're right and he does, we'll be prepared.