Кой какво разбрал
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| Мемо от Изпълнителния директор към Зам.Изпълнителните директори: Днес, в 11 часа, ще има слънчево затъмнение. Това се дължи на факта, че слънцето за около 2 минути ще се скрие зад луната. Тъй като това не може да се наблюдава всеки ден, позволявам на персонала да проследи затъмнението от площадката на служебния паркинг. Персонала може да е на паркинга между 10 и 11, когато аз ще произнеса кратка реч за запознаване с явлението слънчево затъмнение и ще дам известна допълнителна информация за него. Там ще могат да се получат и предпазни тъмни очила на съвсем ниска цена. . Мемо от Зам.Изпълнителните директори до директорите: Днес, от 10 до 11 персонала трябва да е на паркинга. Това ще бъде последвано от пълно слънчево затъмнение, което ще продължи 2 минути. За умерена цена това ще бъде направено безопасно за вас чрез предпазни очила. Преди това Изпълнителният директор ще държи реч, за да ни предостави известна информация по случая. Това не е нещо, което може да се види всеки ден. . Мемо от директорите до началниците отдели: Изпълнителният директор днес ще произнесе кратка реч, за да накара слънцето да изчезне за две минути под формата на затъмнение. Това не може да се види всеки ден, затова персонала да е на паркинга между 10 и 11. Това ще бъде безопасно на умерена цена. . Мемо от началниците отдели до супервайзорите: Между 10 и 11 персонала да е на паркинга, където Изпълнителният директор ще затъмни слънцето за две минути. Това не става всеки ден. Ще бъдете в безопасност и както винаги ще си платите за това. . Мемо от супервайзорите до персонала: Персоналът да отиде до паркинга, за да види как Изпълнителният директор ще изчезне. За съжаление, това не става всеки ден. Редактирано от - Йори на 11/11/2005 г/ 13:58:55 |
| FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 01, 2003 RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 02, 2003 RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 03, 2003 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: October 04, 2003 RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Fucking Employees DATE: October 05, 2003 RE: The F * c k i n g Holiday Party Vegetarian pricks - I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*cking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!! FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: October 06, 2003 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! |
| >Capitol Hill Conversations > > > George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? > > > Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. > > > George: Great. Lay it on me. > > > Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. > > > George: That's what I want to know. > > > Condi: That's what I'm telling you. > > > George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China? > > > Condi: Yes. > > > George: I mean the fellow's name. > > > Condi: Hu. > > > George: The guy in China. > > > Condi: Hu. > > > George: The new leader of China. > > > Condi: Hu. > > > George: The main man in China! > > > Condi: Hu is leading China. > > > George: Now whaddya' asking me for? > > > Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China. > > > George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China? > > > Condi: That's the man's name. > > > George: That's who's name? > > > Condi: Yes. > > > George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China? > > > Condi: Yes, sir. > > > George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the Middle East. > > > Condi: That's correct. > > > George: Then who is in China? > > > Condi: Yes, sir. > > > George: Yassir is in China? > > > Condi: No, sir. > > > George: Then who is? > > > Condi: Yes, sir. > > > George: Yassir? > > > Condi: No, sir. > > > George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. > > > Condi: Kofi? > > > George: No, thanks. > > > Condi: You want Kofi? > > > George: No. > > > Condi: You don't want Kofi. > > > George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N. > > > Condi: Yes, sir. > > > George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N. > > > Condi: Kofi? > > > George: Milk! Will you please make the call? > > > Condi: And call who? > > > George: Who is the guy at the U.N? > > > Condi: Hu is the guy in China > > > George: Will you stay out of China?! > > > Condi: Yes, sir. > > > George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N. > > > Condi: Kofi. > > > George: All right! With cream and two sugars. > |
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